When I was first diagnosed, I could not find a neurosurgeon in my state willing to take on the delicate surgery required. I searched for 8 years without any success until I looked interstate. I found a neurosurgeon willing to take the risk and confident in his ability to help me. I cried tears of joy at the news he could save my life.
After surgery I was very angry with the neurosurgeons who had refused to treat me. I wanted to go and see each and every one of them, stand tall and tell them that I had won the battle despite them. However, I didn’t do that. I came to realise that I was far better off having a confident neurosurgeon with my life in his hands than some one who was not confident or able to do the job.
Yesterday as I sat and listened to the presentation about Gamma Knife™ , I realised that while Gamma Knife™ could have worked for me and saved me from many of the deficits I experienced after surgery, it wasn’t available in my area until 2015. I was given a prognosis of 6 months in 2010 so there is no way I would have been able to access the new technology.
It has changed my perspective and I have been able to let go of those last feelings of anger and frustration about my medical treatment. Quite simply, I was not able to access the services I needed because they were not available. It wasn’t personal. It was most likely very difficult for the specialists I saw to turn me down. I have a new sense of freedom, compassion and understanding. I not only forgive the specialists who said no, I have great empathy for them.
The tide has turned.
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